Hey it's been a while sorry hear your going thru this... truth is your right you'll never trust him again.  And it may take a year or even more to heal, but you've got to do it.  You can't give up on love...  I did for a long time and my last GF (a year ago) I broke up with cause I wasn't healled yet myself.  I think I am now, just haven't met anyone recently.  I can tell you there are good guys out there who want "Till death do us part". 

And maybe part of it is your attracted to the bad boys... but pleanty of us arn't.  *Points to himself*

I personally think love is a verb not an adjective, you've got to work on it.  Making love is not a proper term for s..x, because beyond the physical you've got to make love work... you've got to try, to respect, to negotiate, to give, and to accept.  I have a hard time thinking I wasted 6 years of my life with this woman... it's just a hard thing to accept.

...blah. It's not easy to comment on this my dear. It looks like a lot of he did / she did, and it's all bad stuff. Neither of you told each other about it, and you both had regrets. He did it to you at a time when he didn't feel loved by you, which he prolly regreted later, and didn't tell you. But you did it to him as well, and blame alcohol which is something I personally refuse to accept as an excuse for anything and is a copout in its own right, and didn't tell him about it either, and felt bad.

I know you're in pain finding this out, but you also made your mistakes.

If you want, we should talk about this more. You owe me an email anyway...

Blah, I hate not knowing how to answer things like this. I'm not against you, but I find it hard to be on your side on this. BLAH  

I suggest you have something else besides an epiphany...like Lasagna. Itallian food makes everything better.

And, I am already awesome. i don't need a new job for that. Sheesh.

=P

An email coming your way soon...and maybe a new chapter of the book...

Stop whining. It's not so bad. Besides, you don't need rocky road, you only need cookies and cream and a 1 night stand. You might not be a myspace junkie anymore but send me an email there anyway and I'll give ya my number. I'm just obviosly not gonna leave it here.

Jesus...what would you do without me and satire?

RYN: Always here for friends when they need me...even if its only in a "text" context. You've still got my number if you need to talk, right?

[NamelessStranger]

on youtube.com there is a girl who sings a song

the song i think is called every little star

the girl is ysabellabrave   (or maryanne)

she sings this cutsie little song about how if it's truely love, then why not tell!   

I've been reading you for a long long time now, and I know you aren't someone that should be kept secret.  YOu deserve so much more than that.

More or nothing. .... Makes perfect sense.

I think second chances are possible, and they happen for some people. You only have to read a variety of diaries on this website to see that. Whether any particular person will be able to find someone the second time around is not such a sure thing. I do think it gets harder as the years go by. Many people stay in bad relationships for many different reasons, and the pickin's get slimmer and slimmer.

I hope you'll feel better soon. And good luck, if you're looking for love again.

I worry about privacy too.  I've taken to never even opening this website at home.  Stopped doing that months ago. 

I think you get more shots at love.  And each one is different.  And you know that sometimes you do grow apart.  Can you grow back?  that is the huge question.  I know that if you can, it's not always easy. 

Have you changed so much, really?

I hope you'll feel better so soon. I more then likely have no idea what you're going through but it obviously ain't good and I know that you don't deserve it.

You should update more often.  I miss reading your entries!

You've proved to be a strong person so whatever this is, I know you'll get through it.

Good luck.

Silver lining is no good, go platinum. I'm a guy, and I'm also a lesbian. How lucky is that.

sorry you are going through such a tough time. You have my number so you can always call if you need someone to talk to...

Well Hello there!!! I've been a huge fan of yours for some time now! I was dreadfully sad when you disappeared and had gone private for quite some time...I just signed up here after reading so many that deal with the same life struggles as I... it's rather somewhat sadly comforting to say the least. I find you to be quite witty and fun! I hope to read more from you soon Heather. I love hearing about your girls as well...

If you've read mine, you will find I'm newly divorced and trying to make a life on my own now...it's challenging as I'm still in love with that man! Oye!

[Blewmoon]

you just totally need to put some laxatives in his dinner...then just watch the fun!

hope your ok hun...

Hey. Glad to see you still remember me. I hope we can talk again like we used to. I know it's been a while, but I have thought about you. Take it easy.

Cheeto

No, i have never wanted to do that...but...just for sh*ts and giggles I just screamed it at my computer screen at the top of my lungs, and then a bunch of co-workers came running in the room asking me what was wrong.

Happy friday.

Holy sh*t woman. Where the hell you been? I think the last time I talked to you, I was getting out from a concert in Las Vegas back in April. Well, I'm living in Vegas now. Since November. Dunno if you remember me, but if you do, I'd love to hear back from you.

SatanicCheeto

Well, I say to sink your teeth into that job!  Protect the job at all costs.  I'm sorry to hear about the rest of the family.... mental health disorders are just tought to deal with.  Mom's not thinking clearly, and that's hard.  When work is good, all else feels better.  That's my opinion, and it's a stereotypical male perspective.  Hang tough.

[LarrySmith]

Hey, it's great to see you update. And i'm glad to hear that things are semi-normal, minus the family drama. That's too bad about your stepdad. Hopefully your mom will come to her senses that your husband can't support two families. So..finally a job you love huh? Right on, being happy with your job plays a huge role, cause if you're not happy, your job is pretty much a burden.

Well i gotta go finish some things up, but glad to hear you'll be back soon. Take care and good luck with everything. --Justin

no! Grudge! Grudge I say!

oh well, happy new year.

Hey..I'm sorry to hear about your daughter, I really hope she gets better. Hopefully we get you back, miss your comments. Anyway..have a great year, hope everything goes great. --Justin

isolation is not preservation

or we'd have the renaissance in a bottle sweetie

hmmmm

well reading you was wonderful - shame i'll be missing that

did someone say conjugal visits???

you'll be missed hun. you have the number..use it.

Your entries are definitely going to be missed. I found when my internet was turned off that I did so much more with the kids than I normally do when we have it and I've made a real conscious effort since having it switched back on, not to rely on it too much. Best wished for all of you as a family and I'll keep looking for your updates! Take care.

Drive slow, girl.

Glad you're getting the fatigue checked out by a doctor, just wondering if youre still watching what you eat and taking those tablets, if so perhaps they have something to do with your current problems?

As a mother of a teenage daughter, I hear what you're saying about kicking arse upon finding her messing about with boys, it's every mothers nightmare I think to contemplate a daughter(or son) bringing a grandchild into the world at an early age. Let's be honest, at that age, they're only kids themselves and aren't equipped to handle the financial and emotional responsibility of parenthood. How about mandatory birth control for all under 21's?

I am just not liking the holidays because i won't be home for thanksgiving. And who knows about christmas. Work has just been kicking my ass lately.

But christmas is by far my favorite holiday. Reminds me of warmth and sitting in front of the fire drinking hot chocolate...baileys irish cream if i can sneak some. --Justin

You didn't know about Pop Rocks....shame shame shame. There was a ex-girl I used to date, that used to be my petname for her. Girl, did she know how to used those cherry flavored Pop Rocks. Ahhh the memories.

Stopping by and leaving a nudge ---------->

My sister hasn't spoken to me for over 4 years. I stopped hurting over it a couple of years ago. In general, I don't have a hard heart in the least.. but wherever the part of it is that's reserved for a sister, there's nothing but scar tissue.

Glad to hear you have such a wonderful relationship with yours.

Ahhh.... Life, life, life. I tried to wink at you in the laundry. Ahem....but seriously. The things we do take for granted. ehh 

I was just tripping on that video by Men Without Hats --- The safety dance"

Stopping by to say Hi... and reminiscing about the 80's too.

oh god yes you want another baby! then you can give him to me and i can sell him on the black market for a ton of cash and then...oh wait....nevermind, that was that "outside" voice again....um..yeah....

go kiddies!

just remember, when you're pregnant, there is no risk of getting pregnant again for 9 whole months!

hell, yeah, i know...im a hoot.

 Your children are absolutely beautiful! The one with the little babe asleep under the table is SO cute.

I should have known you weren't asleep. I might have called you had they won.

Please and thank you ARE biggies. Well done! Don't sell yourself short on everything. OK??

And I am very aware that this comment tends merely to underline your sentiment. But think on it.

Ahhh, what I wouldn't give to be numb to it all?

:)

[littleoleme]

I grieve with you.

But tomorrow they play at home...

It doesn't sound stupid at all. There's always that one person in our lives that no matter where they are, no matter how old we get, no matter where we end up in life, they have a little piece of us with them. It sucks when things end up not working with that person for whatever reason, because then a little piece of us dies along with that relationship/friendship/whatever you want to call it- and we can never get it back. Of course your husband would never understand. As far as he knows, he is your best friend, yadda yadda yadda. Not very many people would understand in cases like that. You got a lot of guts for writing about it, though. It shows you still care about things, and haven't become too jaded and cynical- yet.

Cheeto

Oh boy.

Well I think you are doing amazingly well, considering.

Howdy Mam , Just Passing through girl... Your husband should give a flying f*** I say. Past is Past. Sounds like hes a little insecure.

Cant stay long--- Apathyman is on tha run again------------>

Lol... Funny stuff. As far as the comment in my entry, nah- I'm not angry. Sometimes I just like to cuss. Not one of my more admirable traits, to be sure, but hey, stuff happens. Right?

I'm getting over the picture thing with Amelia- sort of. It just sucks. I know the first year is probably the biggest, and I've seen her maybe a total of 3 months of her life. It just sucks to think she might not recognize me next time I see her.

Oh well- just another thing to worry about for the next 3 weeks.

Glad to hear you're well, though.

Cheeto

So the Astros going to win tomorrow? Or is it today?

Should I jinx them by actually watching?

Sucks that the 'Stros lost the way they did last night. I'm sure they'll come back though. They deserve to go to the World Series after the way they've played this year.

That's a good picture of you. You're not bad looking by any means. You got looks and the personality to match. Any man would fall over himself to be with you- if he were smart anyways.

Yeah, colds do suck, but I'm getting over mine. Sucky thing is that Heidi got mine and her's is kicking her ass worse than mine did to me (which wasn't at all for me).

I wish I was good looking too, but I'd rather be ugly and charming than good looking and shallow any day of the week.

Glad to hear you're well overall though.

Go 'Stros!

Cheeto

my boss, who like baseball (there isn't any cricket around these parts), wants to see an Astros Sox series.

Is this a good thing?

Impossible relationships. My speciality.

Constant work is what it takes. With no guarantee of success.

A day off?

What are the children goning to do today, then?

And as for hussyness... You hold your own in attitude, if not behaviour, and besides, it isn't a competition.

Or is it?

It's about time you posted a pic of you! Now I know what you look like! Hope you're well, hun.

Cheeto

RYN:

try looking up momsnack81 or 85...i cant remember which was his...or better yet, sign on to myspace some day!

Redheads are pretty hot  

I don't know how to post pictures on here either, i've been trying to do it for the past month and have not yet succeeded.

Good luck trying. --Justin

I am always amazed at how interesting people can be, presuming, of course, that the answers to the various entries to Ken's questions are real, and not put out there for an audience.

Sex, for me is just nother adventure in the course of life. A way to express onesself and to enjoy a great many new sensations. Actually, it is one of the reasons I live. Not that I get much, but i figured that the day I say "Hold, Enough!!" it the day i want the men in white coats to carry me away.

And concentration problems? Have them a lot. And you say men have large egos? I can't think of anyone who might have stopped work for thinking of me, though. Girls never tell boys that stuff.....

I am tooooooo drunk right now, but someday I'll answer these questions. :)

[littleoleme]

You must be a real sexy woman. Feeling particularly free today?

What is a lunch break, though if one doesn't have any lunch? Surely there is somethin wrong here. I suppose that we are all bound by language. I must say that I laugh when my little one insists she wants to go to the washroom, while standing, naked, ready for her bath. I tell her ''but you're in the washroom!'' and she fixes me with her steely eye, and says "Daddeeee!!"

Et tu Heather?

Long comments getting lost are the worst. I find revision a sort of plagiarism. You are no longer the person who thought those thoughts, and you have no business destroying their work. Another wierd philosophy, which I lay upon an unsuspecting world.

My staff accuse me of making up words. Bastards. I do use some unusual ones, I grant them. But still...

What did I capitulate to? You want me to relive it? Briefly, I had spent too much time with my late brother-in-law, whom I last saw in June last year, and had not been talking to her. I see her point, but she was being a complete dq. I just couldn't get over her lying on the floor thing. I almost tore my hair out. It is such an unnecessary poseur thing. I don't know. I try my best, but my life is not my own at the moment.

Well, back to work....

thanks for putting those on here i have not listened to that song forever and i really do love it! love

                                        meg

I love reading your entries. They always make me laugh in one way or another. Thanx for the comment in my entry. Things really aren't that bad. I know they'll get better soon enough.

Glad to hear about the 'Stros. My Angels have been kicking ass and taking names. An Angels/'Stros World Series sounds good to me!

Take it easy. Things will get better for you too.

Cheeto

Let's face it, the doctor probably said that in self-defence... Did you check and make sure you had missed the inoculations?

It is never fun not to have sleep, and I have been having too little of late, what with all the work and the placation that goes along with it. I am spending this week away from home, and, of course, last night I got it... the seeping resentment seeped no longer. so it was up at all hours dealing with it. But it is far worse with the worry of illness. That is never fun.

Well I like to be taunted. Sometimes I will react seriously, and others not. But it is all fun.

By the way, have you heard of footgear called Crocs? My b.i.l. brought the whole family each a pair over the weekend. They are comfortable and fun. The reason i mention them is that they are bringing out a pair of flip-flops, which look really cool (designwise, anyway... no beads or anything) I am no connoseur, but maybe you could hav a look, and tell me if they are worth getting.....  http://www.crocs.com/consumer/product_details/~athens~/ 

[Mbubese]

I'm the exact same way when it comes to commenting.  If I have nothing to say, I leave it at that, nothing.  If I have something worthy of being said, I say it.  Unfortunately, I rarely have anything to say, I just read, and read, and then once in a while comment.

I'm sorry you were ill.  I did the sick thing from Thursday night to Saturday morning, but it wasn't "self induced".  Or maybe it was, from the amount of stress I've put myself in.  Back to my original train of thought... what was it again?

Chris is obsessed with the Los Angeles Angels, he's sure they'll make it to the world series.  Then again, he's always sure they'll make it to the world series.  It annoys him that I don't give a rat's ass about the sports that he does.  I watch men drive around in circles, and watch soap opera wrestling.

Go Astros, just for you.

You, like most people, empathize with people whose situation you can relate to. You are not selfish. You are as normal as anyone I know, which isn't saying much lol. :)

You, like most people, empathize with people whose situation you can relate to. You are not selfish. You are as normal as anyone I know, which isn't saying much lol. :)

    We each offer different things here.  What you have to offer is of great value.  You often make me smile!

       Thanks,

         Jewel

You want something from me?

I am not easy?

Now who is the interesting one? Dont answer the questions. it may spoil the fun. But on the other hand....

I think we could all use lessons on empathy and sympathy and sensitivity. But there is a time and place for it, too. I have probably mentioned this, but it was Thomas Hobbes who first observed that the further away from our circle people are, the less we care about them.

There is no doubt about the truth of this. But it is necessary too. I am an existentialist, or try to be, and I say try to be because it is impossible. The one downside of the philosophy, actually. One cannot exist if one feels everything all the time. In order to protect onesself, one has to choose, and insulate against the feelings that are possible out there. So by clicking out of a diary, you are merely making the choice to make that person, and their feelings, and the potential drain on your emotions, a low priority for you. There is nothing wrong with that.

If you have the extra energy, go ahead... (and I am sure you do). Just don't beat yourself up when you feel you can't. And like a prior commenter said, I get the feeling that there are a number of "poor me"'s out there. I have an idea that there are many who write just to see the response they provoke. (Am I being cynical again? Just wondered).

Buy the way, i enjoyed your insight into men and ego. I have an ego, i know. It does like to be stroked, too. But i also think my bulsh1tometre works pretty well, and it is often odd things I find complimentary, and not the usual flattery. We all like to be appreciated. As for sex... depends what it is you want. I am generally a pushover anyway. Maybe that's why i don't get a whole lot. I should work on that. But sex, to me, just makes me want more. And more. Maybe I will get old one day and it won't matter so much.

Being a private person has it's ups and downs. I think i am private mostly because my circle of people would be very surprised about my thought and beliefs. Solid middle class values, you know. But not for me. Even here I am not wholly comfortable putting them in black and white. It is a public forum, after all. What worries me most, of course, is when I want to publish......  I will be outed for certain. better work up to that.

I get your sense of humour (and for your information, I fly on aeroplanes). As I read, I have much expression on my face. i sometimes get this silly grin on my face. Your writing is often a lot of fun. And wouldn't I love to peruse your collection of designer flip-flops....

[Mbubese]